As same-sex couples gained the legal right to get married in Massachusetts and in many parts of the United States, the issue of same-sex divorce also became more common. Same-sex couples struggle with the same issues that any couples have, such as trying to decide if divorce is the best option and attempting to figure out what is best for their futures, their families, and the like. Below are a few important questions that renowned divorce writer Dr. Susan Allison suggests couples ask at this time:

1. When did you feel happiest while you and your spouse were married?

By determining when you felt the happiest, you can sometimes see why that joy has left the marriage. This can help you see if it’s a temporary issue or something that can’t be fixed.

2. Why did you tie the knot in the first place?

Of course, many couples simply fall in love, but there are many other factors that play into this decision. For instance, perhaps it was easier to get married at the time for the sake of health care benefits and getting on the same insurance plan.

3. What scares you the most about staying together?

If you dread the thought of putting off divorce, what is is that really worries you? This question helps you see what you’re really afraid of and if it’s something that can only be avoided by ending the relationship.

These are just three of the 20 questions Dr. Allison suggests couples ask of themselves, but they help to show why it’s best to be deliberate and intentional about everything you do. This still applies after you decide to get divorced, as you want to put the same type of care into really making sure you know your rights and how the legal process works.

Source: Conscious Divorce: Ending a Marriage with Integrity, “Careful Choice,” Susan Allison, accessed Feb. 21, 2017