You do what you can to be a great parent to your child after a divorce, but does it seem like your ex just doesn’t trust you? One woman said that she thought her and her spouse would be able to split up cleanly and move on, but things didn’t go nearly as well as she’d hoped because her ex considered her to be the “other” mom, the one who wasn’t as capable of raising the child. According to her, the following are indicators that this is happening:

— Your ex checks up with doctors, teachers and others after meetings that you attended to make sure things went well.

— When you have the kids for any amount of time and you drop them back off, your ex wants detailed reports about what you did and when.

— Your ex shames you for working too much and not spending as much time with the kids. This can be done in a way that implies that she is the real, caring mother, while you’re not.

— Your ex spends time with the kids, while you end up paying child support.

— Most of your children’s possessions end up at your ex’s house. A toy bought as a birthday present, for example, may go to the house when the next custody switch happens, and you’ll never see it again.

Knowing what these signs look like can be important even as you’re still working through the divorce. The two of you will need to have a parenting agreement in place. If you don’t want to be the “other” mother, there may be legal steps you can take during this process to ensure that you’re not, such as crafting an agreement that gives you both equal time with the kids.

Source: The Huffington Post, “5 Signs You’re the ‘Other’ Mother,” Colleen Logan, accessed Aug. 29, 2016